The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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