the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
