Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
