Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
