I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize