I must be too annoying 4 u.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
