There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
