Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she peed on how many people?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
