you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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