I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
