# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
