the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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