It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
