I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
