Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
