My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize