i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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