Don't you send me to vm
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
