I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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