the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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