Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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