And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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