I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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