so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
