Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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