Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
