Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why do cheetos always look like penises
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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