I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
