4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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