there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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