i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
