So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
