So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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