how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
