I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
