well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
