Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
