I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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