Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like iHOP with fire
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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