She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
