I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
