If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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