; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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