were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
