I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
