I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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