Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
