Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
