hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
