I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
