meet me or not, i'm out of control
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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