Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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