I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
