I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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