It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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