don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
