I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
