3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i came on her dog
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
