Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
