It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
