All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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