he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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